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Aviation Trivia, Jokes & Humour

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Jean van der Riet
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Re: Magazine comedy articles

Unread post by Jean van der Riet » Sun Aug 18, 2019 3:37 pm

Jack Welles wrote:
Sun Aug 18, 2019 11:44 am
Jean van der Riet wrote:
Sun Aug 18, 2019 11:32 am
Jack Welles wrote:
Sat Aug 17, 2019 8:06 pm
You asked for feedback. I never hassle people on social media about language issues. But you did ask. I hope this doesn't p..s you off, but you really need someone to copy edit your English. The English in the very first line of your article/story was such that I got no further than that. Sorry, but you did ask.
The junior guy at he mag did accept responsibility for spelling Genius and Lowveld wrong in the article before it went to print !
Actually now I'm sorry I responded to your direct request for help. I apologise profusely. Next time I'll just skip lightly by ... :lol:

Please do comment Jack. I do appreciate and I am a big boy and I do not suffer from small dick syndrome , no offence taken by myself ......... as you said , I asked ! lol

Are the stories funny or should I ad more detail to it ?

Jean
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Re: Magazine comedy articles

Unread post by Jack Welles » Sun Aug 18, 2019 3:58 pm

Jean van der Riet wrote:
Sun Aug 18, 2019 3:37 pm
Jack Welles wrote:
Sun Aug 18, 2019 11:44 am
Jean van der Riet wrote:
Sun Aug 18, 2019 11:32 am
The junior guy at he mag did accept responsibility for spelling Genius and Lowveld wrong in the article before it went to print !
Actually now I'm sorry I responded to your direct request for help. I apologise profusely. Next time I'll just skip lightly by ... :lol:
Please do comment Jack. I do appreciate and I am a big boy and I do not suffer from small dick syndrome , no offence taken by myself ......... as you said , I asked ! lol Are the stories funny or should I ad more detail to it ? Jean
The stories are indeed funny and I liked the cartoon at the start of the mag one (who drew that?) because it set the appropriate tone. I'm hesitant to comment here because some smartarse will no doubt jump all over me. I will drop you a PM with a few thoughts.

Just bear in mind that I'm not an editor and certainly not really au fait with humourous writing, but I do know a little bit about English, which is tricky to use in a colloquial way that would better suit a funny story than more formal English. The latter is easier to write because the rules are clear. The former is difficult because it relies on a feeling for tone, an appropriate word order, which may not be technically correct, but nonetheless sounds right. None of this has anything to do with grammatical rules etc.

I do think you were wise to use the first person because that helps to make the story chatty and friendly, like you were talking to a buddy over a pint in the pub. Maybe even experiment with the first person present tense because that also would make it all the more immediate. American thriller writers do that quite often for that very reason.

But enough - I'll drop you a PM with a few thoughts just remember my caveats - I'm no editor and don't write humour myself.
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Re: Magazine comedy articles

Unread post by Jean van der Riet » Sun Aug 18, 2019 4:07 pm

Jack Welles wrote:
Sun Aug 18, 2019 3:58 pm
Jean van der Riet wrote:
Sun Aug 18, 2019 3:37 pm
Jack Welles wrote:
Sun Aug 18, 2019 11:44 am

Actually now I'm sorry I responded to your direct request for help. I apologise profusely. Next time I'll just skip lightly by ... :lol:
Please do comment Jack. I do appreciate and I am a big boy and I do not suffer from small dick syndrome , no offence taken by myself ......... as you said , I asked ! lol Are the stories funny or should I ad more detail to it ? Jean
The stories are indeed funny and I liked the cartoon at the start of the mag one (who drew that?) because it set the appropriate tone. I'm hesitant to comment here because some smartarse will no doubt jump all over me. I will drop you a PM with a few thoughts.

Just bear in mind that I'm not an editor and certainly not really au fait with humourous writing, but I do know a little bit about English, which is tricky to use in a colloquial way that would better suit a funny story than more formal English. The latter is easier to write because the rules are clear. The former is difficult because it relies on a feeling for tone, an appropriate word order, which may not be technically correct, but nonetheless sounds right. None of this has anything to do with grammatical rules etc.

I do think you were wise to use the first person because that helps to make the story chatty and friendly, like you were talking to a buddy over a pint in the pub. Maybe even experiment with the first person present tense because that also would make it all the more immediate. American thriller writers do that quite often for that very reason.

But enough - I'll drop you a PM with a few thoughts just remember my caveats - I'm no editor and don't write humour myself.

Thanks Jack !
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Re: Magazine comedy articles

Unread post by Wingnutter » Sun Aug 18, 2019 4:54 pm

Jeez, man - Jean asked for critique, and you all jump on JW (who is obviously qualified to comment) for his candid yet constructive comments. My personal opinion is that the articles were entertaining and humorous, but would need pretty extensive rework to be up to a standard suitable for publication.

Blowing smoke up peoples @rses helps no one, many top authors were rejected multiple times and used the experience to better their writing skills and ultimately achieve success.
If nothing else works, a total pig-headed unwillingness to look facts in the face will see us through.
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Re: Magazine comedy articles

Unread post by goga » Sun Aug 18, 2019 5:05 pm

Ugly Duckling wrote:
Sat Aug 17, 2019 9:09 pm
GPsucks wrote:
Sat Aug 17, 2019 9:03 pm
Eina boet , djy sit nie die komma , daar of nogal die punt hier . Djy sit hom hier, net agter die woord soos hier aangedui. Is grammar not taught in school no more?
Collect your badge :lol:
Have U sent one to the editor??
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Re: Magazine comedy articles

Unread post by Jean van der Riet » Sun Aug 18, 2019 5:58 pm

goga wrote:
Sun Aug 18, 2019 5:05 pm
Ugly Duckling wrote:
Sat Aug 17, 2019 9:09 pm
GPsucks wrote:
Sat Aug 17, 2019 9:03 pm
Eina boet , djy sit nie die komma , daar of nogal die punt hier . Djy sit hom hier, net agter die woord soos hier aangedui. Is grammar not taught in school no more?
Collect your badge :lol:
Have U sent one to the editor??
No why ?
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Re: Magazine comedy articles

Unread post by Jean van der Riet » Sun Aug 18, 2019 5:59 pm

Next article is about my Land Cruiser bakkie and my antics when attaching a hot air balloon to the bull bar ! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
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Re: Magazine comedy articles

Unread post by Ugly Duckling » Sun Aug 18, 2019 7:05 pm

Jean van der Riet wrote:
Sun Aug 18, 2019 5:59 pm
Next article is about my Land Cruiser bakkie and my antics when attaching a hot air balloon to the bull bar ! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
Mary Poppins in khaki :lol:
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Re: Magazine comedy articles

Unread post by Jack Welles » Mon Aug 19, 2019 8:29 am

Maybe the mods should move this to 123.45 because its not really about aviation anymore.

I know I said I'd PM you. I wanted to but every time I tried I didn't know where to start, there was just too much to say (not just about grammar and spelling etc, those basics are a must-have - that's non-negotiable - ignore comments to the contrary - they know not what they write), but generally about article and short story writing (they're different). To write (anything) well is just as difficult as it is to fly (anything) well. Jim Davis has written a book on the latter just as many authors have written books on the former.

In the end all I can suggest is that if you're serious, do a course. For example these guys
https://www.sawriterscollege.co.za/shop ... Blogs.html
offer a course in article writing (R5 595,00) and UCT have an online short course
https://www.getsmarter.com/courses/za/u ... ort-course
for R11 900,00
But this might be a better idea to start with
https://www.classcentral.com/report/wri ... e-courses/
and MOOCs are free.

In one post you asked whether you should write more and the answer, almost always, is that you should write less. As regards fiction Hemingway once said that what you leave out is more important than what you put in. He (under an assumed name IIRC) once won a competition for the world's shortest short story. He used just six words: "Baby shoes. For Sale. Never used."

Man, that is billiant. Think about it. Think how much in there has been left unsaid. How sad the story is without going into any detail at all. Just six words!

Try reading O Henry's "A Christmas Story". Hell, even I have a freebie short story (finalist in a Stephen King competition - but no cigar :lol: ) on offer at https://jackwelles.com/ just click on "send me my freebies" at the bottom of the page.

Lots of white space. Text broken up into many short paragraphs - especially for online writing. Mix in judicious amounts of dialogue. Change tempo so that it doesn't get boring etc etc. Read other people's work. Study the mags you want to write for.

Do a course ...
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Re: Magazine comedy articles

Unread post by GL » Mon Aug 19, 2019 2:09 pm

My favourite quote is from Mark Twain who said, "I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to write a short one."
My columns are 1500w. I write at least 2000 and then prune ruthlessly.
Stephen King said - kill your darlings.
You must really want to be a writer. A basic test of whether you are a writer or not: do you know what an adverb is? You do? Good. Now kill them all.
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Re: Magazine comedy articles

Unread post by GL » Mon Aug 19, 2019 2:19 pm

Let me presume to give you some feedback on just one line from your A380 story: "...retreat to my seat with a sad sense of regret . If they only knew how good a pilot I was things would surely be different !"
Delete sad -it's tautologous with regret.
Delete 'sense of' - its redundant.
Delete only and surely; they are adverbs. (Hint: they end in -'ly)
Learn punctuation - you need a comma after 'I was,' and there is no space before the exclamation, or the full stop.
Never use exclamation marks.
How does this sound: .... retreat to my seat with regret. If they knew how good a pilot I was, things would be different."
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Re: Magazine comedy articles

Unread post by Iceberg » Mon Aug 19, 2019 3:19 pm

Wow. I have forgotten that grammar was so difficult. At least I can read TAFs and METARs.
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Re: Magazine comedy articles

Unread post by cage » Mon Aug 19, 2019 4:26 pm

GL wrote:
Mon Aug 19, 2019 2:19 pm
Let me presume to give you some feedback on just one line from your A380 story: "...retreat to my seat with a sad sense of regret . If they only knew how good a pilot I was things would surely be different !"
Delete sad -it's tautologous with regret.
Delete 'sense of' - its redundant.
Delete only and surely; they are adverbs. (Hint: they end in -'ly)
Learn punctuation - you need a comma after 'I was,' and there is no space before the exclamation, or the full stop.
Never use exclamation marks.
How does this sound: .... retreat to my seat with regret. If they knew how good a pilot I was, things would be different."
Guy, not everyone will be writing in a stiffer style suited for hobby magazine editors ;)
Adverbs, tautology, hyperbole all exist to allow a writer some license to get their story across.
I find the use of proper punctuation far more .. sorry, more relevant. :twisted:
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Re: Magazine comedy articles

Unread post by GL » Mon Aug 19, 2019 4:42 pm

cage wrote:
Mon Aug 19, 2019 4:26 pm

Guy, not everyone will be writing in a stiffer style suited for hobby magazine editors ;)
Adverbs, tautology, hyperbole all exist to allow a writer some license to get their story across.
I find the use of proper punctuation far more .. sorry, more relevant. :twisted:
I hear that - but you have to learn how to do it right before you can start bending the rules. I have a battle getting many of my contributors to be good enough to lighten up. Jim Davis and Mike Gough are there - and Peter Garrison can be sublime.
I tell aspiring contributors that my favourite word is 'reckon' - as in; I reckon you need to try harder to be casual.
It's worth repeating that by far the hardest thing to pull off is humour. Every time I try, I fall on my face - witness that appalling attempt in my 'Murder on the Lanseria Apron' column that I was rightly pilloried for.
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Re: Magazine comedy articles

Unread post by Jack Welles » Mon Aug 19, 2019 5:59 pm

cage wrote:
Mon Aug 19, 2019 4:26 pm
Guy, not everyone will be writing in a stiffer style suited for hobby magazine editors ;)
Adverbs, tautology, hyperbole all exist to allow a writer some license to get their story across.
I find the use of proper punctuation far more .. sorry, more relevant. :twisted:
Nothing to do with a stiffer style (unless it's porno :wink: ). You just don't "see" good writing. The ideal outcome is where readers are unaware of the words being used, they're totally involved in the story (or article). As soon as writers get fancy, ie, insert their clever ideas into the writing (usually to try and make it more "interesting" because they have little confidence in the underlying theme or story) they lose readers. It may not bother you, but it will bother someone. Once you lose readers they're hard to get back.

To add to that, concepts like "show, not tell", variations in tempo and oblique references so that the reader mentally completes the ideas for you, are key to keeping it interesting, to keeping the brain of the reader engaged.
Jack Welles (thriller_author pen name)
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