Amusing Ground School "Mishaps"....

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Amusing Ground School "Mishaps"....

Unread post by Brand » Mon Jul 08, 2013 7:01 pm

I often hear some very funny stuff in class. Here's some of the more amusing things I have heard while teaching ground school over the years…..

“What is all this 1013 stuff you are talking about?” From a 300 hour chopper PPL on CPL Instruments course.

“Sir, can you please explain again how to calculate an average…” From an 80 hour fixed wing PPL on a CPL cadet program.

“Wat is daai blerrie Karolus se Kragte waarvan die CAA van praat?” From a chopper PPL with thousands of hours, AFTER trying for the CPL Met exam. He was referring to Coriolis Force….

“But should I not be subtracting variation from the wind direction, before I start plotting?” From a 1300 hour ATPL student, trying for the Nav Plotting exam (when we still had to do it).

“I flunked the f$%$#g exam because I forgot to take variation into account – for every f$%#$g question!” From a 18 000 hour fixed wing CPL, gunning for the ATPL plotting exam – who also happened to be an ex-navigator…

“The CAA is a bunch of Cunnilingusts!” From a 300 hour fixed wing PPL doing the CPL course – after referring to the CAA for months as “cunning linguists”, he got it wrong this once…

“The inverse operation of a square, is a square foot….” From a fixed wing 80 hour PPL and CPL student with a degree in engineering…

“This course is like porn man!” From a 3000 hour fixed wing CPL, doing the ATPL exams. And obviously enjoying it a bit too much…. :wink:

“When it falls on the ground…” From a 120 hour chopper PPL, when asked when an aircraft is overweight…

“It’s when two aircraft make a move on each other.” From a 6000 hour fixed wing CPL on an ATPL Nav course – I asked him what Relative Velocity is…..

“This is about as exciting as watching the All Blacks beat Japan 102 to zero…” From a Kiwi and B747 captain that had to do his South African ATPL validation and Flight Planning exam.

“A standard IF holding pattern is a left hand one.” Rather amusing when coming from a retired ATPL with 26 000 hours and rewriting Law and Procedures, to renew his license at age 65. And then some thirty minutes later he hit the table with an open hand and muttered “I can’t believe I said that….”
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Re: Amusing Ground School "Mishaps"....

Unread post by Sardine » Mon Jul 08, 2013 7:34 pm

:lol:

Will watch this thread with interest.
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Re: Amusing Ground School "Mishaps"....

Unread post by Flyman » Mon Jul 08, 2013 8:46 pm

Bump
PRECHECK'S !!!!!!
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Re: Amusing Ground School "Mishaps"....

Unread post by jimdavis » Mon Jul 08, 2013 9:08 pm

Brand, I am a little worried about what you were doing with this one. It was a female, right? :wink: :wink: :lol: :lol:

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Re: Amusing Ground School "Mishaps"....

Unread post by Brand » Tue Jul 09, 2013 2:45 am

jimdavis wrote:Brand, I am a little worried about what you were doing with this one. It was a female, right? :wink: :wink: :lol: :lol:

Jim


“This course is like porn man!” From a 3000 hour fixed wing CPL, doing the ATPL exams. And obviously enjoying it a bit too much….
Hi there Jim.

It was very funny - as soon as he said it, he went blood red in the face and I responded with "I wouldn't know - if you say so..."

I might add that he is a very high profile businessman, rather conservative, and chairman on quite a few boards - making the statement even more unexpected... :)
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Re: Amusing Ground School "Mishaps"....

Unread post by Brand » Tue Jul 09, 2013 4:02 am

And a few more...

“Why do I need to navigate – I hardly go anywhere. And on top of that, I don’t have hands for navigating while flying….” From a 200 hour chopper PPL who was not enjoying the CPL plotting at all….

“Is it when your seat moved?” From an 80 hour PPL when asked what “spatial disorientation” means. It seemed like he was serious at the time….

“Oom, ek maak nie uit van hierdie telemetrie goeters nie…” From a 150 hour fixed wing PPL, referring to the basic trigonometry required for the CPL. It took me a while to catch on though…

“The Parallel of Origin is the Greenwich line….” From a 1000 hour fixed wing flight instructor – after he failed the ATPL Navigation General exam three times. I was checking his knowledge on Lamberts chart theory…

“I did not know I needed a square protractor in the exam…” From a 90 hour fixed wing PPL that failed his CPL nav exam…

“I was smooching this chick all the way from Lanseria to Rand last night!” From a 200 hour PPL, who was hoping to pass CPL Nav the next day and seemed hopelessly unprepared. I might add that he was flying alone with a new date. And he was dead serious – when I asked him if he was not concerned about a mid-air collision he responded with “No man – the Cirrus has an auto-pilot….” I then I somewhat sarcastically said that I was surprised they did not “get” on the back seat – to which he replied “But what about the radio?” I was stumped at that point…

“Ek wil hê jy moet die klein bliksem ‘n goeie opf$k gee – hy het nou genoeg van my donnerse geld gemors!” From a very irritated father who sent his son to me after numerous exam failures.
Last edited by Brand on Tue Jul 09, 2013 7:48 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Amusing Ground School "Mishaps"....

Unread post by Brand » Tue Jul 09, 2013 4:13 am

And another pearl...

I asked a 280 hour CPL who got lost on the way to my place three time is a row, while using a GPS, to show me where North is - as in pointing outside. She pointed skywards and said "Up..." I then asked her to turn 180 degrees and point to North - and up went the hand....
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Re: Amusing Ground School "Mishaps"....

Unread post by HASELL » Tue Jul 09, 2013 9:47 am

Brand wrote:And a few more...

“I was smooching this chick all the way from Lanseria to Rand last night!” From a 200 hour PPL, who was hoping to pass CPL Nav the next day and seemed hopelessly unprepared. I might add that he was flying alone with a new date. And he was dead serious – when I asked him if he was not concerned about a mid-air collision he responded with “No man – the Cirrus has an auto-pilot….” I then I somewhat sarcastically said that I was surprised they did not “get” on the back seat – to which he replied “But what about the radio?” I was stumped at that point…
Brand! This one had me in tears!! :lol: :lol: :lol: =D> =D> =D>

(And I think I might just know who that could have been.) Some okes will get up to all kinds of <<moderated - language>>.
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Re: Amusing Ground School "Mishaps"....

Unread post by Antman » Tue Jul 09, 2013 9:46 pm

This is good for a laugh thanks.

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Re: Amusing Ground School "Mishaps"....

Unread post by Brand » Wed Jul 10, 2013 6:34 am

And recently....

"Do you think I need to learn how to use a calculator for the CPL exams?" From a 100 hour chopper PPL....
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Re: Amusing Ground School "Mishaps"....

Unread post by Mike Wissing » Wed Jul 10, 2013 6:01 pm

Do you still have to work on Mercator Charts Brand, for CPL?
How about Loran C?
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Re: Amusing Ground School "Mishaps"....

Unread post by Mauler » Wed Jul 10, 2013 7:30 pm

Brand wrote:“The CAA is a bunch of Cunnilingusts!” From a 300 hour fixed wing PPL doing the CPL course – after referring to the CAA for months as “cunning linguists”, he got it wrong this once…
Careful, Brand. You could get banned from AvCom for months for being a cunning linguist!
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Re: Amusing Ground School "Mishaps"....

Unread post by Brand » Wed Jul 10, 2013 8:36 pm

Mike Wissing wrote:Do you still have to work on Mercator Charts Brand, for CPL?
How about Loran C?
Hi Mike - we do not need to plot physically on Mercator Charts, but we do get it in the general navigation portion of the exam and often have to calculate bearings to plot, scale questions and ABBA. And Meridinial Parts at ATPL level is still a big deal....

No Loran C....
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Re: Amusing Ground School "Mishaps"....

Unread post by ddevos » Thu Jul 11, 2013 12:47 am

Not quite a class-room story but Brand's one story reminded me of this.

While I was learning to fly back in the early 80s I one Saturday morning had to wait a while for the Sundowner I was going to fly solo that day to return from another training flight. There were two female students sitting in the reception area at NAC at Tempe, waiting for the Cherokee they were going to fly to be refueled. I overheard the one saying to her friend that she would never get lost in an aircraft. She made it clear that she couldn't understand how people could get lost while flying. I was rather puzzled as to what made her so confident in her own abilities.

Famous last words! The following Wednesday afternoon when I got to Tempe for my next flight my instructor told me how badly these two got lost that day. They were heading for her parents' farm near Colesberg for the weekend and got so lost they eventually landed at Schweizer-Rekene for fuel. How that lady did that I don't understand until this day. The skies were clear, so how she couldn't realize the sun was coming from the totally wrong direction was beyond me. Had a real good chuckle about that one, served her right...
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Re: Amusing Ground School "Mishaps"....

Unread post by richard C » Thu Jul 11, 2013 8:59 am

The irony of the A-type personality in aviation is that there is no other pursuit that humbles a person quite as devastatingly as aviation !!!!

The counter at the humble pie shop is always 3 deep with A-types collecting their double portions :lol:
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